A Realization - about caring and happiness

As long as someone needs you, they will be happy being with you, they will be caring and they will be nice, or, sometimes just pretend being so. Whenever they realize they do'nt need you anymore, they would not want to be around you, they would not care about you, or, in other words, they would stop taking the pains of pretending to be happy and pretending to be caring, when being around you. Which makes sense from their perspective, they dont need you anymore, they are happy, so why should they take those extra pains. This has also broken down my basic premise that all people are nice inside. I always believed everyone is nice, we just need to get to see the beauty of those people.

Does it hurt me? Yes.

Does it matter to them? I don't know the answer to it, I guess its no, they just don't care enough.

Though, I should not blame them, I should, as a matter of fact, just be cautious, and be close to only honest and innocent people, if I have to prepare myself to not be hurt in future. Or, not be close to anyone at all.

There is another side to the story, though, I may have hurt someone. I was always so positive, I would never hurt anyone intentionally, even if someone hurts me, I would not, I do not even believe in revenge or punishment. But I may have hurt someone, when I react, i do it when someone hurts my pride. Also, because I can feel a lot more than I can say, most people understand what you say and not what you feel, so they may at times get hurt by getting wrong notions. { Why don't people just understand each other better, instead of depending on a language, or on words to be said? } In which case, the moment I realize I have done that, I feel clouds of guilt hovering over me. I know I have done something bad. I tell myself, if only I can get back in time. And I break down.

The world is too complex, or maybe my thinking is too simple, I should not interact with anyone, not anyone absolutely. My tiny shell is all I want to be in, writing, physics, painting, sculpturing, and photography (no, not anymore). I should not interact even when I think someone needs me, if someone is alone, I should not care, if someone is crying, I should be strong to NOT step forward and console. Then, that makes me mean, which is what I should have been from the start, but I guess the world is so, I just need to learn and live in this way, till I get my long desired " Clean Exit ".

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Shantanu